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Why Do They Act That Way? - Revised and Updated: A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen
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Review
"A powerful, practical book on the teenage brain. Walsh is a storyteller with the gifts of simplicity and clarity. This book is an easy read, but its message is fresh, nuanced, and important. I recommend it to all parents who ask themselves, 'Why do they act this way?'" -- Mary Pipher, Ph.D., author of Reviving Ophelia"You'll finish it feeling as if you've just had coffee with someone who is not only entertaining and enlightening but who knows exactly how it feels to be the mom or dad of a twenty-first-century teen." -- Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D., author of Surviving Ophelia"Parents will find the book immensely informative,reassuring, and useful. I highly recommend it!" -- Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction and The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
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About the Author
David Walsh, Ph.D., is one of the world’s leading authorities on children, teens, parenting, family life, and the impact of technology on children’s health and development. He founded the internationally renowned National Institute on Media and the Family. He is on the faculty of the University of Minnesota and lives in Minneapolis with his wife, Monica. They have three adult children and five grandchildren.
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Product details
Paperback: 336 pages
Publisher: Atria Books; Revised, Updated edition (June 3, 2014)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1476755574
ISBN-13: 978-1476755571
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.9 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
99 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#69,062 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Once I started noticing some changes in behavior of my 12-year old daughter, I decided to get educated a bit before a big frustration hits me. I downloaded the first chapter of some 15 books focusing on the teenage/adolescence issues (thanks to Kindle concept - one can download the first chapter for free to get an idea what the book is all about - the bonus is that you have the table of contents, so you can get the style and the structure of the book upfront. I also read all the reviews on Amazon and I hope my review will be helpful for someone.This particular book was the best of all - (1) well structured, (2) very informative, (3) with stories and lessons learned, (4) covering the whole array of sensitive/taboo topics sex, drugs, alcohol, etc., and (5) with the down-to-ground recommendations, which not only provide good guidance on what to do (engagement, communication, sincere conversations, corrective and peaceful punishment based on agreement/consequences, etc.), but also let you know what not to do (waking up teens very early in the morning, nagging, preaching, showing no interest in their lives and actually not spending some time with the kids, not forgetting about the challenges the teens face each day - puberty, changes in body shape, pimples.I have read the book during some two weeks (even though I could've done it in a few hours) while commuting to work and back. And that helped a lot, as it you conceive the concepts and ideas slowly, almost making them your own - this is what I would advise to anyone - read it a couple of chapters at a time.What can I say? This is the best book I've read on the topic. And when I see some helplessness in the eyes of the parents during the parent conferences, I advise to buy and read this book, and even one time I lent my Kindle to a friend to make him read the book. I'm originally from Ukraine where counseling in school has yet room for improvement and to help other parents I would just translate a designated chapter in Google translate online and even in that half-cooked version, parents were extremely happy to find some answers. Recently I moved to Austria and now my kids go to the Vienna International School. Excellent school, but the adolescence has nothing in common with good infrastructure. During the parents conferences there were some discussions about the alcohol, drugs, etc., and still I could see that no handouts or short presentations would give the full picture to the parents as all those issues like sex, alcohol, drugs, parties, anxiety, stress, puberty, etc., are very interrelated and one just cannot get the full picture based only on one topic. I realized it doesn't matter where you are, as a parent you are faced with the same problems especially given the globalization when iPhones, Internet and other fancy things are almost standard in every country; and the behavioral patterns are adopted from the movies and fashion movements.So I often recommend this book as the main eye-opening resource for the parents at any time, whether their kids are 8, 10, 12 or already 16, no matter which country they are in. As the author maintains the adolescence starts some time at puberty and ends who knows when (could be 20s and could be even 30s - it's my own observation). And our assignment is to learn the implications and consequences as parents, as there are more challenges and social and economic pressure in modern life then as we had some 25 yrs ago. And the trick is that while the variables grow (more exposure to TV, Internet, online communities, clubs, bank loans, easier payment systems - one click purchase, dealers of pills in school, more business trips for parents as the companies save costs on staff, etc.), the fixed things remain the same (24h day, some 4 hrs left during the working week for yourself and family, constant or even shrinking cash flow, etc.). And the parents need some help in solving the problems and addressing the challenges effectively, without creating the bottle necks in communication and further problems, exacerbating the situation - "I'm the boss and you have to obey". This concept can be conveyed in a modern way much more politely and with respect based on fair attitude and agreement. Otherwise, as my son puts it when justifying his negative response to his sister's request to get the garbage out: "I agreed with the request to clean, but after seeing the aspect of her face and hearing that intonation in her voice, I just couldn't help saying NO. And I bet you wouldn't either.":) Now all are aware of mutual respect and we try to maintain the spirit, especially when I quote some stories from the book (kids love to hear about someone else being wrong - they start brainstorming and providing recommendations, which helps themselves in the end).So, five stars at any time. If you look for a decent, structured and comprehensive insight into the adolescence issue, don't go further, this is it. Just read it from cover to cover (and certain chapters several times) and discuss it with your spouse. I ended up giving the book to my daughter when she started exaggerating and developed some anxiety (too big nose, bad skin, bad hair, etc.). I must say it helped a lot. She confessed that she read the book from cover to cover and understood what I was worrying about. She stopped doing some irrational things, though in some areas I had to give her some slack just to get bumps along the road and learn for herself (harmless things).I should also mention, that this book requires that you as a parent develop new skills and behavioral patters (discussions, get togethers outside of the house - very helpful as it puts you on equal footing outside your usual environment - i.e. no hard feeling who's the boss for instance in the restaurant or cafeteria rather than at home when kids feel defensive). It also requires some mental work to absorb the concepts, etc. If you have patience to read and get along with the the user manual of a new TV or any electronics gadget, you'll be just fine with this book, otherwise it might seem too complicated with some scientific explanations, which I liked BTW. So it helps if you read it chapter by chapter.Finally, I would summarize that if you want to be a responsible and loving parent, buy this book and learn it almost by heart - it would help you to parent with a proven concepts and guidelines that work. It gives you confidence because you know what can happen and actually what is being happening with your kid at a given moment. I.e. all kids get crazy at the "teen" age when you take them for a trip to another city, etc. because "it's much easier to watch TV at home, it's better to sleep longer, and then play with the friends outside, or just spend time alone with no parents". And knowing what happens before and after the trips, I always insist on joining the family and I try to arrange some entertainment along the way. I elucidate my kids what impressions they might have along the way - things to see, we discuss the route, I provide them some historical background, etc. And while the reaction is slow and ignorant at times, they always feel happy to be on the road and actually share their experiences with the friends with excitement. And because of the hormonal change, they tend to be sleepy all the time, so we take some extra pillows in the car to help them through, and I take it easy on the turns to keep them happy without throwing up - and they are thankful that we understand their challenges and are more responsive later on. This is one small example how I use some knowledge borrowed from the book; and in reality once you have the core knowledge, you just go ahead and adjust on the way as you deem necessary - improvise and take it easy. The main thing is that you get the information what is out there and how far even a lovely and peaceful child can go if left alone for him- or herself. And the ideas get absorbed even better when you hear other parents discussing their problems in school and then you'll know for sure that the book is a great source of information.Having handled the routine with the small kids in their first 2 years of life, most parents feel the relief and when the kids turn, say, 12 or 14, things start to change. That happened to my family. And I must say, having gained the confidence with the knowledge this book gave us, we decided to have another kid, so now we have 16, 10 year old kids and a 6 month baby. We know we need to put some efforts and invest in our kids, and we are fine with it. And we are well informed, prepared and quite excited to cruise through the challenges in life with no fear. As they say: "With fear we expect, and with love we accept!".And I wish you the same!A happy parent,AlexanderP.S. This is a true feedback and not the made up stuff one can meet online quite often. I rarely leave some feedback as it takes time, but after some 4 years I received a request from Amazon to leave a feedback, and here you go - I believe this book is worth it. So, I pulled some thoughts out of my memory and this is just a tiny bit I have on the tip of my head. Enjoy if you decide to get the book and get it rather sooner than later (when your kids turn 10-12 is the best time).
A great book! As a HS Teacher I found it very easy to digest and full of good information.
Very helpful. The book covers a lot of different scenarios with teenagers. It helped me understand why my child washaving such erratic behavior. It gave me a different perspective, and helped me grasp how to go through this difficult time with my child.I hope that it helps with our relationship. I know it helped me understand what was going on with my child better and more constructively.I would highly recommend this book to almost anyone with a child between ages 12-16.
Interesting information! I am a middle school principal. I found this book fascinating. I have purchased it for my teachers. In conversations with the adolescents I work with, I have used this information to help students understand themselves and to explain why certain consequences have been put into place. My preacher/counselor husband even picked it up and found that it explained a lot about how his counselees end up with the problems they have as adults. Read it!
Although this book poses a question that will go down through the ages unanswered, it does give wonderful, insightful, developmental and psychological explanations for much of what goes on in the teen brain for parents saddled with the hair-raising job of living with one. It is, HANDS-DOWN, the best book I ever read on understanding your adolescent. No other book came close to being as informative as this one. If you buy it, I don't think you'll ever regret it. Out of compassion, you'll probably end up giving a copy to every parent of teens you meet.
As a counselor focused on a developmental perspective and one who works with many adolescents and their families I found this book to be informative and easy to read. I spend a great deal of time reading and preparing for parenting classes and seminars. I feel very strongly that a clear understanding of brain development is essential to clarifying one's understanding of adolescent behaviors. Dr. Walsh provides a great deal of good information from many perspectives; focusing on a theme of providing your adolescent with the wings to fly while making certain they have secure roots as he encourages parents to parent with love while meeting the adolescent's need for connection and guidance. I will most definitely use his very helpful discussion on teens "Falling in Love" vs the later developmental experience of "Standing in Love" as managing emotions and romantic relationship issues are a high priority at this stage of development. Dr. Walsh explains things for the purposes of reaching a broad audience while remaining true to the facts evidenced in the most recent research. I find this book to be a wonderful compliment to Daniel Siegel's works: "Parenting from the Inside Out" and "The Developing Mind". I highly recommend this book to my fellow youth and family counselors and to parents of teens looking for valuable guidance in parenting.
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